pain pain and pain..

Title: pain pain and pain..


Feeling so disappointed with lots of thing.. sigh! nvm.. Dont wish to mentioned much.. Anyway, as for work.. Aaa.. Boss talked to me alot today and i think there is an win win solution la.. I have told him already.. So if they take me as re-hire i also accept.. Dont wanna bother them much.. hmm...

wow liao.. I dont know hw long i can tahan next year? I really dont know. Everything change.. Answering mobile calls are really pain in the ass at times.. Ppl are much more demanding and nasty.. :( I really hope year 2011 will be a better year ahead... I really hope..

I think i cant drink coffee anymore.. Monitor for few days already. Each time i drink, my chest pain like hell.. Feeling giddy also.. So uncomfortable.. cannot be le.. Last time no problem.. Im gonna try it again tomorrow.. I dont believe.. The stupid pain last the whole freaking day.. Now im still in pain.. and im coughing.. WTF.. Making the pain worse.. Sigh!!

Im soo sleepy.. But i cant sleep.. Wonderful.. What should i do? I really dont know.. I shall watch movie.. Happy new year everyone... :D

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Copyright © 31 December 2010, Friday 06:19AM
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what causing the pain

Title: what causing the pain


Sigh! The company seem to be fool-ing me around.. I felt so cheated by them. :( Everything pro-rated.. :( 13mths Bonus and upcoming bonus are pro-rated(for bonus the boss said will chk and let me know.. I believe it will be pro-rated).. This is so unfair. :( So sad..


Sigh! I dont know what happen... Im having chest pain again.. :( Took pain killer just now but the pain is still on and off.. I really dont know izzit the heart problem causing the pain or due to heart burn.. Seriously i dont know...


I shall see how later.. If the pain still persist i will have to go to SGH already.. Im still thinking should i go for the operation. I think last year the doctor did said i dont really need the operation.. I cant remember.. I have to ask the doctor again.. The medicine given to be can make me giddy as it will lower down my blood pressure.. So i always try not to take the medicine.. Nvm, i shall see how ba..


Yeah, im using iphone 4G :) Jailbreak already but i cant off my phone. Have wait for the latest software so that i can re-jailbreak again.. :D wait and wait and wait... hehe!!


Im soo sleepy.. Will try to sleep.. Sad to say i still have to work till Thursday and then off on Friday.. :( aww.. Sigh!!


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Copyright © 28 December 2010, Tuesday 06:30AM
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health vs IPhone 4G

Title: health vs IPhone 4G


sigh!! Im feeling sad... There goes my iphone 4G @ 600 buck no contract... :( Im suppose to go back to the office with dear dear to collect our IPhone 4G @ 12pm.. But all thanks to the chest pain and giddiness... :( Sob sob dear dear..


Well, at least i know health is more important.. So i decided to stay at home.. Just took my medicine.. Going back to bed again soon, waiting for the medicine to kick in..


Sigh!! I have not do any shopping for xmas.. HOW???????? Aww... Forget it la... Not celebrating xmas... Stay at home..


Wanna go and sleep already.. Bye!!


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Copyright © 22 December 2010, Wednesday 11:02AM
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Rashes,giddy..

Title: Rashes,giddy..


Sigh!! I wanna play game but feeling giddy so decided to stop.. Just now my mum sister was telling me to go for operation for my heart.. -.-" I dont think i need it ba.. Anyway, im scare as well.. Later i go in and nv come out how? (Touch wood).. Im not brave enf for this..


Chest pain is still on and off.. But cough is much better.. Only left with sore throat.. SMILE :D I just want my chest pain and palpitations to go away.. Cos the stupid palpitations medicine can bring dwn my blood pressure and i always feel giddy after eating it.. :( But these few days im feeling giddy even im not eating the palpitations medicine.. I really dont know why..


Shit.. I wonder when the nurse took blood test frm me was the needle clean.. Im having rashes and blue black on both my arms.. I didnt told the nurse about the rashes before i discharge was because i tot it is normal.. Who knows it is getting worse..


I have been sleeping all day long.. But i just dont understand why im still soo sleepy and tired... ok la.. Time to sleep again.. bye!!!


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Copyright © 21 December 2010, Tuesday 02:05AM
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Hospitalization

Title: Hospitalization


I have been sleeping since i reach home just now.. Was admitted to NUH on Friday 17 dec.. This is just the reason why i dont want to see a doctor.. I actually went to work on 17 dec but my chest pain got worse and i was having breathing difficulties so i went home.. Went dwn to NUH to see a doctor. And was told i need to be admitted..


Actually, thursday i was at Alexandra hospital.. The doctor just throw me at observation ward for about 2hrs then ask me to go home.. I did told them im hving breathing difficulties.. But they nv do anything.. -.-" They told me nth wrong.. So Friday it got worse and i went straight dwn to NUH..


Was having chest pain, lung infection, breathing difficulties, on and off fever, cough, sore throat and low blood pressure.. Doctor keep me for 2 days.. He actually want me to stay still monday -.-" But i dun want.. was discharge today (Sunday).. YEAH!! :D soo happy.. Cos i cant sleep well in the hopsital.. The doctor and nurse keep on waking me up at night.. :( Blood test, ECG scan and blood pressure.. wow liao..


Resting at home is better.. :D No one disturb me.. Doctor gave me 6 days of Hospitalization leave.. I hope i can get well soon.. Have to follow-up with heart centre to check on my heart condition..


I feel like going back to office le.. I got cases need to follow-up.. -.-" I dont want to see doctor because i want to finish up my cases at work 1st.. But sigh, who knows my condition got worse.. Dammit..


Ok.. Wanna stop here already.. Time to zzzz.. Bye all..


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Copyright © 19 December 2010, Sunday 11:05PM
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I knew it...

Title: I knew it...


Dammit.. Today seem to be a tough day for me.. Not the training itself, but my body.. Stomach dont seem gd since yesterday (i should say the past few days..) and was coughing badly also.. But i dont bother.. Slept at around 3 or 4plus in the morning then my mum woke me up at around 6am++ -.-". (Thanks to her.. Before she left for work at around 7plus.. Shit, she woke me up again.. AWww.. I was fed up and woke up and prepare for work..) My stomach was soo uncomfortable and throat is damn pain dwn with fever also. But like i said, no mc and i cant take also.. I need to conduct training, so Lan Lan have to go back to office..


Reach office i had diarrhea.. -.-" But i still manage to conduct the training.. No appetite at all. But i tried to eat something but then again diarrhea after eating.. Dammit.. Till now i dont dare to eat anything.. Cos i had diarrhea again..


Took cab home and I wanted to see doctor just now.. But the clinic is close so i went home.. nvm.. At home have fever and cough medicine.. Tomorrow will be a better day.. After training tomorrow, will be going back to office to OT.. Well, like i said, just wanna numb myself.. And stop myself frm thinking and worry so much..

WHAT THE FUCK (sorry i dont wanna scold this but i hv no choice.. COS IM SUPER PISSED...).. I was helping my mum with her phone and saw a sms frm morning team leader asking who is the trainer on thursday onwards.. And the thing is, lucky i chk my mum phone cos she sms to that number.. Lucky i chk my email just now and told her that i will be having training on Thursday, Friday and Monday..

Guess what she said, the training im suppose to go have change to next year (JAN).. FK la.. No one inform me at all.. If i nv chk my mum phone just now and asked about the training, i will wake up early and go back to office for NTH.. WHAT THE FUCK are they doing? Trying to fool me izzit? Im soo sick, stress and worry (worry about dear dear) and now this? FK U ALL LA..

Now they are asking me to conduct iphone training on 20 to 22 dec.. FK.. fooling me here and there.. I plan to see doctor for my chest pain next week, cos i sense something not right somewhere already.. But now this.. They pissed me off once again.. Aww.. The big boss also sms me saying want to talk to me.. I will feedback to him on thursday with regards to this issue.

Wanna go and do my stuff already.. My head is so heavy.. FK IT..

Ps: btw gal, went will we have beer drinking session? But be prepare i will get drunk hor..


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Copyright © 14 December 2010, Tuesday 06:51PM
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body aching and shag out

Title: body aching and shag out


Oh shit.. It have been raining since afternoon at around 4plus? I think.. Walking in the rain seem cool :) But the stupid thing is, the moment you started sneezing which is bad.. No worries.. Im not that weak la.. Someone must be missing me..


Yesterday i manage to fall asleep for like 1hr? (was thinking the whole day.. and suddenly i was switch off and another moment my alarm rang.. -.-") Then i woke up.. Super sleepy and was having terrible sore throat and body aching but i dont have the choice... Cos I die die have to go back to office to give training..


Im quite surprise to see everyone is awake during the training.. It is a big class -.-" (about 10 ppl..) So of course i do my best to stay awake.. Giving as much training as possible.. Hmm.. I only give 2 breaks.. oops.. Sorry!! I will give more tomorrow.. :D


I hope my sore throat dont get worse tomorrow and wednesday.. After wednesday nvm.. cos i dont have to talk :) Ppl will then give me training :D


During the training and right now at this moment.. I just dont understand why my mind is still thinking non-stop.. Oh gosh.. Awww.. Im just worry.. Sigh!!


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Copyright © 13 December 2010, Monday 06:49PM
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The wound is so deep :(

Title: The wound is so deep :(


Im suppose to sleep but i cant sleep anymore.. I have to reach office @ 8.30am later.. I want to sleep.. im feeling so shag out but i cant sleep.. Im so fan.. Fan till my head is soo painful.. Eaten pain killer but it is not helping.. My mind is soo stress up nw.. Not mainly about work la.. Work seem ok for me today.. It's just that, i was soo stress with other things i screw up alot of things myself..


Anyway, went google search just now and notice, In the morning i have panic attack. Same goes for just now.. I forget how i stop the attack.. I dont why i have panic attack..


Well, the wound in my heart is getting deeper and deeper.. It is so difficult to heal.. Im feeling soo useless, soo depressed, so helpless, so stupid and im just a extra.. Seeking for help and advise but all advise i have tried but failed.. Im totally loss.. :(


Sigh!! Hao fan la.....................


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Copyright © 13 December 2010, Monday 04:20AM
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break down

Title: break down


Im freaking tired.. That's the only thing i can say.. Lately before 4am i sleep already.. That's not me.. Sigh! Im dwn again.. The stupid cough and sore throat is causing alot of problem.. Cough till just now i vomited twice.. Once in office and once just now.. Lucky i eat less.. So only water and phlegm came out.. Having breathing difficulties and chest pain.. Dammit... Lucky i have medicine at home.. wait for dear dear.. We shall see doctor together maybe tomorrow...


In air-con room it got worse.. >_<" Fever went dwn already.. :) Just now was having high fever but i cant do much.. Like i said, no matter how sick am I, i will still work.. Lately at work, i just keep quiet and work.. Do my stuff and dont bother much.. I have already do my best to answer as many calls as i can already.. I just dont have the heart to push poor customer away.. If i can help, i will help.. If i cant help, i have no choice..


Im suppose to give iphone training tomorrow.. But have change to next week.. Next week, whole week im gonna be real tired.. Monday to wednesday i need to give iphone training (I need to talk alot).. Thursday to Friday, I have cabletv cross training.. (I sit dwn and listen..) Saturday, cousin wedding.. Sunday finally rest and monday training again.. -.-"


Then back to work then maybe still got training coming up.. Give iphone training and i go for training.. -.-" Shall wait for news.. Cos, they like to inform us at the very last min..


ok ba.. I wanna sleep already.. Eat medicine and try to sleep.. Bye!!


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Copyright © 10 December 2010, Friday 04:40AM
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watch and feel the pain silently

Title: watch and feel the pain silently


Everyday i feel the pain.. I watch and i cant do anything.. My heart is so painful.. I have to just act as if i dont bother..(But im actually bothering and worry ) At work im already so stress out and now add-ons to more stress.. Im going crazy soon.. I have no choice but to act as if nth happen.. Every time i have to pause before i said anything..


Now at work, im trying to be loner.. But i just cant.. Everyone is coming up to me and LAME.. -.-" Work stress, some other things stress.. life stress.. awww.. Im trying very hard to be strong but i cant.. Cos my limit is up..


Sigh!! Im having alot of problem sleeping.. At home still manage to sleep a little bit.. But im always awake every 1 to 2 hr.. Noise is always the problem at home.. At dear dear house worse.. I fall asleep for like half an hr and im awake by Noise, movement, poor dear dear cough and asthma is always the problem.. Dont tell me i got insomnia.. Cos once im awake it is hard to get back to sleep.. Im always lack of sleep.. :(


Lately at home i have been trying to sleep early.. Latest 5am i sleep already.. But in between i will still wake up.. Aww.. My body is hinting me something.. Today i feel so weak.. I feeling very cold the whole day.. Having slight fever and sore throat.. I really hope my fever dont get worse tomorrow.. Cos i need to work.. Is time for me 中医... -.-" I wanna sleep but every half to 1 hr i keep waking up.. That really pissed me off.. So i give up sleeping.. -.-"


Wow, Friday, Saturday and Sunday will be a big problem for me.. Cos i need to wake up at around 7am.. Dead.. I cannot feel sleepy.. I need to be awake cos i have to train ppl.. ZzZz..


Sigh!! I have enf saying.. I will just go on with this type of feeling.. I believe one day i will get numb.. We shall see..


ok.. I will stop here.. Bye!!


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Copyright © 07 December 2010, Tuesday 11:17PM
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Trying to fool me

Title: Trying to fool me


I can be joking and luffing.. But inner me is still confuse and hurt.. Why ppl can just go without any problem but i cant? Im just a normal technical officer like everyone.. Was told cos they treasure me.. I dont believe all this.. BULLSHIT..


Lately im kinda attitude towards the boss and hopping with this type of attitude they will ask me to leave.. Im trying to work quietly and I will shut my bloody mouth up.. Lame lesser..


I feel so depress.. Im not as strong as before.. I give up things easily.. Sigh!! im giving iphone training again.. Im wondering how many training they want us to give.. Give stop give stop give and stop again...


Sigh!! I dont know WHAT TO DO.... Anyway, human are all selfish.. Sigh!! Honestly, i need a long break.. But i dont have leave.. Aww..My mind is dead at the moment... Aww...


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Copyright © 04 December 2010, Saturday 6:07AM
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Controlling hard..

Title: Controlling hard..


Just now at work, I have been controlling very very hard not to cry.. 1st reach office already Im freaking pissed off.. Tears in my eyes but manage to hold my tears frm rolling dwn.. Im pissed and yet feel extremely guilty.. I know the effort u put in.. but... Sigh!!


The whole day my mind is dead.. I have given up... Im so confuse and lots of negative tots are all running up to my mine.. Seriously, i cant take any jokes and nth get into me since afternoon.. And i think this gonna stay...


Actually, in the cab.. I have rolled dwn with tears quietly.. Trying hard to hold my tears back.. Im trying very hard to be strong and i dont want to give up so easily but im really really tired... My mind is asking me to just give up but my body is holding back..


Once i step into the hus, I burst into tears.. For about an hour.. But i still cant forget.. Im still so confuse and mine keep saying goodbye...


I dont wamt my poor dear dear to suffer due to all this shit.. Nth got to do with him but why are they dragging him into this? Why is there so many problems?


Why is it so difficult to go? WHY?


PS: sry dear dear.. I think i give you alot of problem at work.. Im so sry! :( I love you...


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Copyright © 02 December 2010, Thursday 4.24AM
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